I had a dream last night about “Tony”. (If you’ve read any of my testimony you should know that’s not his real name.) The last time I even had a thought about him was, naturally, when I was writing my book. And, also, one time when I was jogging in the forest and had a sort of vision of him pulling up next to me, on the deserted road I was on, opening the door and calmly saying, “BJ, you know what you have to do...” So, I got in the car, perceiving that the standards of the Mafia do not leave room for negotiating.
In my dream, Tony came to see me and he brought along some young thug. Tony must be well into his 70’s by now, but as a saying in Spanish goes, “Cosa mala nunca muere, y si muere no hace falta...” Roughly translated, “Bad things never die, and if they do die, they’re not missed.” Hispanics have many sayings...
Anyway, I’ve googled and found that he’s still around, doing his dirty work. And, in the dream, I knew what his intentions were. I have to admit that the first thought in my mind, upon waking, was sort of like Sipher’s, in The Matrix, lamenting having taken the “red pill” and having his eyes opened to the reality of the matrix: “Why, oh, why didn’t I take the green pill?” and thusly remain in blissful ignorance and indifference?
But I’m afraid, Dorothy, that there is a cost in finding out the true identity of the wizard. Even though knowing and understanding the truth far outweighs all other options, those blessings also bring with them an acute awareness that going “home” has taken on a whole new meaning.
As I step out in faith, in other words, and do what God is asking me to do, my very human mind keeps reminding me that God has removed the floor, which I'd grown so accustomed to feeling, from under my feet. But, in wonderful contrast, His Holy Spirit not only keeps me from plummeting, but is also allowing me, with more and more frequency, to enjoy the feeling of being held.
For the record, I will never regret writing “From Mafia Princess to God’s Princess”. I will never regret serving the Lord Jesus Christ and not loving my life even when faced with death” (Rev. 12:11); I will never regret the lives of others that I have seen changed and brought to Him through the telling of my testimony; and, mostly, I will never regret the forsaking of this measly, earthly body for the ecstasy of seeing Him, my Savior and King, face to face in my eternal home, and being with Him forever.
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